Restraints

Sometimes in life you're asked questions that there are answers that at the moment are too damn hard to answer. Your first thought, your true answer, is not always the best answer. Perhaps it goes against the norms of society. Perhaps its not healthy for you and you know better. Perhaps you've been told by your parents, your peers, your spouse that you shouldn't go there. What is something you would go ahead & do if you found out it wasn't bad for your health? I saw this question posted online today & it got me thinking. What would I do... would it be drugs? Society shuns it, peers would be shocked, my mother would be disappointed, my other half would forbid it. Not because of health, though that's big. But because its illegal. But then, it depends on the type of drug. Are we talking marijuana? Or alcohol? Or something far worse, such as meth/speed/crank? I liked smoking pot, back in the day. But I slept, had sex and ate -- all in excess. Alcohol. I've thrown up twice in my life from alcohol. Once after a New Years Eve party I attended with my former roommate, who was kind enough to hose off the driveway in front of our neighbors garage. And once after partying with a friend (our significants drank Dr. Pepper) and beer was 50cents a cup and I drank $20 worth of cups. Wow! I didn't make it home. I had to clean the in & outside of the van. Not pretty. But I'm a parent. I don't want to not be with it. I want to be alert should something happen. What if the house burned down. What if I passed out with the candles lit, because I was so out of it from the drugs? I would feel guilty & hate myself. I couldn't handle that. But drugs... that's my first thought when I read that question. I love crank. My former roommate got me hooked. I stopped as soon as I found out I was pregnant but its on my mind alot. I can smell it on anyone. And its been over 10 years. I started using for the sake of losing weight. Turned out, I was also a better lover, more freaky in the bedroom. I could do push ups like nothing. Now I'm overweight & lazy as hell when it comes to exercise. But the undeniable truth is there. I still think about using everyday. If it were not bad for my health, I think I would still use. But truth of the matter is, it kills the brain. It eats the teeth. And it makes you lose weight faster than any diet imaginable. Damn!