Paganism

Someone once told me there were as many versions of being a pagan as there were pagans in the world. From what I know and from the people I've met, I have learned this to be true. So many I've met over the passed 8 years have told me they were Wiccan. At the time of moving here I had no clue as to what Wicca was. The Craft. Interesting. So I began to research, can a person be a witch and not a Wiccan. Can they study the Craft and not be considered a Wiccan. Or is that the definition in & of itself... a Wiccan is a witch who studies the Craft/a witch is a Wiccan who studies the Craft. Hmm... I began to ponder this & as I researched & talked to various Wiccans, I realized, I am a pagan but I am not a Wiccan. I tried hard to wrap my tiny little head around the ideas of other pagan religions. But with so many gods & goddesses, who was right & who was wrong. Is there a correct god or goddess to summon while casting a circle or casting a spell? And if you state a name of a god or goddess, does that confine you to that religion? I have heard people say they follow the Egyptian path, the Goth path, the Celtic/Druid path, etc..etc... SO like many starting out, I incorporated & experiemented until I found what felt right. I still ask questions. Sometimes hurting & stepping on the toes of other pagans. But its all in trying to learn & grow, not meant in any way to insult or ridicule their beliefs or friendship. I have studied pagan rituals and the ways of the gypsies since I was young. I had my beliefs instilled at that time. Years passed and the seed which was planted began to grow. I had first met gypsies in Portugal at the tender age of 9 years old and that stayed in my mind from that time on. I moved to Brazil when I was 10 and saw the people in the favellas practicing a Brazilian form of what Americans would call Sangeria or Voodooism. I saw rituals on the beach, on TV and heard them talk. Those who practiced were poor and the help. I knew our maid believed in that way and I was fascinated. But I didn't have the words or the knowledge on how to broach such a subject. Skip a few years later. My mother gave me a book by Raymond Buckland and I became enthrawed in his teachings. I read his book inside & out. Going back to that first book, its been dogearred, highlighted & looks well read. I was young and thirsting for knowledge. When I was 16 my mother moved to Portugal without me, so I was on my own from that time on. I took with me just the clothes in my closet and didn't think to bring my tarot cards and Buckland book. Which is ok. My roomate probably would have freaked out. I was attending a Catholic school and all my friends were die hard Catholics. They went to church on Wednesdays, Saturdays and sometimes Sundays. I stopped going to church the year prior so I stayed home and at school sat in the back during Mass. I stopped believing as I had a feeling there was more to it that some man telling me how to live my life. He was a mere mortal. He wasn't the Almightly himself. I figured, if I'm to be a Christian there should be a sign. But I had none. I began waivering. Skip a few years later. I'm about to turn 19 and I'm tired of living my life high as a kite (marijuana). I called my mother who was in IN at this time. She had only been in Portugal for a year before meeting someone, moving to HI, TN, IN, TX and some other place, over the years. I "moved in" with mother for two weeks. That was my time limit. I had to get a job & my own apartment. I said fine. All while coming off of a 24/7 high (talk about fast withdrawals). And I found my way again. I found a book about satanism. My grandmother & mother had a coronary. I bought my first athame. I was a nurse and felt the spirits (I worked in the top floor where the only way to leave was in a body bag) all around. Some good, some not so good. I knew then why the folks in the favella spoke to the dead. They were all around and they listened. Because of the beliefs of those around me, I didn't outwardly study. I kept it in my room & never discussed it. I had never met a pagan outside of Brazil so I figured I would practice their ways. I did animal sacrifices (freaked out my mother) at the farm. I got tattoos that meant something to me and were not to be seen by others (though others have seen them). And by the time I was in my late 20's I had finally met pagans. But I couldn't grasp the concept of calling corners (I've done it though with friends). I no longer sacrifice animals. I had an alter which has since been dismantled. I still read my cards, cast spells, do candle magic, speak to the moon & earth and I still consider myself a pagan. When I am asked to define, I state its paganism with a hint of Voodoo, or Santeria, a hint of Wicca (not very much, perhaps less than 5%) and a hint of the Old Path. I feed off the energy of the land. When I have visions, I see a large bird, a raven with his arms spread, warding off evil. I connect with dogs, even those I've been told hate humans. And I don't do fluffy bunny spells. I don't believe in love spells, but will perform them for others. I believe the Fates have it in mind who we are to end up with. And some of us aren't meant to be with just one person. I have a hard time grasping polygamy, but I understand why some don't find it weird. I understand, you can love more than one person. Everyone has their own special qualities. I am a very jeolous person. But I feel I could love more than one person. I don't because whom I am with is a jeolous person and could not share nor love more than one person. I don't view cheating the same way as most do. Is it in me? Yes. Have I? No. So I am still growing, within my understanding of my religion.